


Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

by with_wit_and_perfect_timing



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Childbirth, Comfort/Angst, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Implied Sexual Content, King Lanstov, Marriage Proposal, Marriage of Convenience
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-01 17:38:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11491338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/with_wit_and_perfect_timing/pseuds/with_wit_and_perfect_timing
Summary: The one time Nikolai didn't kiss Alina, and all the other times when he did.|What would have happened if Alina accepted Nikolai's marriage proposal?|





	1. Chapter 1

                Nikolai wasn’t sure when he first realized he wanted to kiss Alina Starkov. There was no grand fanfare of awareness, no striking understanding filled with overwhelming passion and emotion. No, it was nothing like that. Nor was it a feeling that crept up on him and pounced like a tiger of gripping want. The feeling, he supposed, seeped into him, growing gradually every time he saw her. There was no desperate infatuation, his heart beat seldom quickened around her, and he never lay awake at night, hoping for her lips. It was simply a small feeling, always there, but never nagging.

            When he kissed her for the first time, outside of the carriage with an adoring crowd, their noise roaring in his ears, there was little stirring in his chest. A slight flutter, maybe, but Nikolai suspected it was caused by adrenalin, as well as the fear that Alina would assault him when the kiss ended. She did, but the shock and mock anger plastered on her face was well worth it. It _was_ for the people, wasn’t it?

            The next time the feeling showed its face, he almost did kiss her. He could feel her nervous breath on his cheeks, he was so close. He wasn’t sure what compelled him to voice his thoughts so openly with her. Normally, he would let this feeling live inside of him, where it would wither and die. Perhaps it was her dedication to her people, the way he was, or the way she thought so deeply through her decisions, weighing every benefit and doubt. She loved the people of Ravka, almost as much as Nikolai did. Maybe the feeling didn’t go that deep. Maybe he was urged to kiss her because of the way her brown hair flowed behind her in the breeze, how her skin glowed in the sunset orange, how her lips turned up like that of a bow. It didn’t matter, of course, because he was already a mere three inches from her mouth, there was no turning back. All he had to do was lean in and –

            But there it was. A distinct look, a look of defiance, but not against him. The look told him that Alina would kiss him back, but for all of the wrong reasons. He couldn’t do that, make her do something she would regret, or want to take back. She didn’t deserve that. As she stomped away from him, he attempted to stop her, but she left hurriedly, and he knew it couldn’t be helped.

            Abandoning her in the climax of the Darkling’s assault was a decision he wished he didn’t have to make. But his people needed protection, and he was set on keeping his mother and the King safe. He wasn’t going to let Vasily’s fate happen again.

            While he was away from Alina, he busied himself to keep his thoughts from straying too far. Silent moments, however, he couldn’t help but let worrying thoughts creep in, plaguing his mind, about whether or not Alina felt betrayed by his supposed absence from the Palace in her time of need. He wished there was a way to contact her, to tell all of them that he was alive and kicking. But putting both sides in jeopardy was not an option.

            And then, fate (he had hoped) brought them back together, and it was just like old times. The wit, the bantering, the constant shoving and hitting whenever Nikolai mouthed off or made a snarky remark. This was what he missed. It made it easier, the constant battle strategies and meetings. When he brought Alina to the meteor shower above the Spinning Wheel, the look that played on her features - the look of wonder and awe - caused a bit more than just stirring. He went ahead and implied their marriage for what seemed like the millionth time, but for the first time, Alina didn’t seem deeply opposed to the notion. She was smiling, her arm still linked with his.

            He wanted to be happy for her. He wanted to be happy _with_ her. She would make a beautiful queen, and he would most certainly make a beautiful king, and together, they would be Ravka’s saving grace. A bastard king and the ever-so-powerful Sankta Alina, joined in hands and joined in hearts. He couldn’t describe it in words at the time, but it just made _sense._ The fact that she fought him on every view just made her more perfect for the role.

            He wanted to kiss her again, he realized. But he wanted to keep his promise even more. So, he leaned forward, ghosting his lips on hers, giving her time to shove or kick him away. But she didn’t.

            Being a _nichevo’ya_ was a living nightmare. He had wished, after it was all over, that he had no control over his actions at all, on the slim chance that he would have no recollection of his time spent in the shadows. That he would completely forget the hunger he felt, the pain he caused. He sought out Alina with that darkness in his heart; maybe, just maybe, she could bring light into his life once more.

            _She still has the ring._ He slipped it onto her finger, to show her he knew, but also just to see how her hand would look with it on. She laughed, or sobbed, and Nikolai had never wanted to be humor more. She tried to change him, but she couldn’t chase the darkness away. The pain and hunger ate away at him. He wanted nothing more than to tear off his wings and pull out his fangs, the agony of it all too much for him to bear. But when Alina embraced him, he felt his need to feed take over, and his claws were piercing her skin, nearly ripping her flesh. All of a sudden he couldn’t see where his feet were taking him, and he found himself in front of her, Alina’s hands outstretched, ready to fight. Horror washed over him, terrified of what might have happened had she not reached him. He couldn’t bear it any longer, being around her, so he flew into the shadows, blending in with his surroundings, leaving Alina tear-streaked and alone.

            But being human after was more difficult than he had anticipated. There were scars that would never fade, wounds that would never truly heal. There was still darkness inside of him, lingering. Shadows that might’ve been there before, he just didn’t take the time to notice. Sometimes, doing simple tasks like running a hand through his hair or buttoning his shirt seemed foreign to his hands. He kept the façade up, his usual banter keeping the questions at bay, avoiding any confrontation if he could help it.

            The one thing that made it easier was Alina. She was the only one who would ever understand what the Darkling’s power felt like, perhaps the only one who would ever truly understand Nikolai. That night, while he sat in front of the fireplace, twirling a bottle of _kvas_ in his hands, he knew he had to ask her again. Just one more time.

            “I still need a Queen,” he told her.

            She stayed silent for a painfully long time. The shadows from the flames flickered across her features. He could hear the crackle from the wood as it burned. Then, she took a deep breath.

            “That…that could work.”

            Nikolai sat up a bit straighter, trying not to show his surprise. “Is that so?” he asked with a steady voice.

            Alina chewed her bottom lip. “I think so.” She sounded surprised herself.

            “What about Mal?”

            Alina grimaced. “It…I love Mal. I always have, and there will be a part of me that always will. But…” She shrugged.

            “But?”

            “Maybe…just because two people love each other doesn’t mean they get their happily ever after. It doesn’t always mean it will work out.”

            “Does…does Mal know you feel this way?”

            Her voice broke. “It’s mutual.”

            He leaned forward and wiped the tears brimming in her eyes. “I see.”

            She took a deep breath and shook her head. “I’ll live.”

            “Alina,” he tilted her head to face him, cupping her jaw. “I truly am sorry.”

            “Don’t go all sappy on me, Nikolai,” she chuckled, wiping the last of her tears away. She smiled. “A Queen you say?”

            Nikolai couldn’t help but grin. “With a crown of jewels and a heart of gold. That’s the idea.”

            Alina nodded. “That can work.” She slipped on the emerald ring and held out her hand to examine it. “This’ll do just fine.”

            He had never wanted to kiss her more.


	2. The Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I completely forgot I wrote this, so I'm continuing this! My brain is totally fried from finals (summer courses, yayyyyy) so I hope I didn't leave anyone hanging! Hope you enjoy!!
> 
> Comments are appreciated, they keep me on track <3

            Being a queen wasn’t going to be easy, Alina knew that. She was already a legend at age eighteen, loved by all, feared by some, the powerful Sankta Alina. Being royalty only added to the pressure and stress of the responsibility. But Nikolai was determined to make sure that she wasn’t ever on her own.

            The wedding was held at the Palace, with only its residents to attend. The whole hall was decorated with white and gold, radiant candelabras lining the walls, the shimmering chandelier making the light dance off of the stain-glass windows and walls. Pews laced with bouquets of flowers, each guest wearing their best. Zoya braided her hair into a grand style, almost as if she was attempted to show up the bride. Nadia sat next to her, looking giddy as a school girl. Tamar and Tolya stood at attention on either side of the priest, who stood at the altar, next to Nikolai. Nikolai was dressed to match the décor, a white suit with gold trimming and detail. His boots, he made sure to polish until they shone brilliantly, and his gloved hands clasped behind his back.

            The fanfare sounded, and Nikolai forced himself to look down the aisle. When he did, his breath hitched in his throat.

            Alina stood at the front of the hall, a crown of golden flowers adorned her head, a veil cascading down, shading her face. Her dress was trimmed with jewels, just as Nikolai promised, and the dress’s train was held by Genya, who wore a simple deep green dress, her hair pulled her shoulder. Alina’s dress had laced sleeves that came to the bottom of her fingers, and came up to her neck, a rose broach in the middle of her neck. Her veil obscured most of her features, but Nikolai could still spy the nervous curve of her lips, turned in a timid smile. He knew she was still not used to the attention that you receive as a queen.

            She walked smoothly, powerfully, up to the altar, facing the priest. He murmured a special prayer, touching her head, and Alina turned towards Nikolai. With instruction from the priest, Nikolai lifted her veil with great flourish, though he had never felt more anxious in his life. The first thing he noticed was the flecks of color on her cheeks and nose that she had gotten from all of the time outdoors. He was glad she wasn’t wearing enough makeup to cover them up, he liked them.

            They joined hands, looking each other in the eye with a sort of way the guests wouldn’t recognize, perhaps one they would mistake for loving, or warm, but the true word to use was admiring. Alina looked incandescent, and Nikolai supposed he looked mighty fine himself as well. In fact, he was so taken aback by Alina’s grace during the ceremony that he found himself lost in the priest’s holy words. They exchanged vows, words of faith, and Nikolai couldn’t help but feel a wave of whimsical excitement when he slipped the emerald ring onto her finger.

            He had wished his parents had attended the ceremony, but this wasn’t the best time for them to come back to the Palace. He knew that Alina had felt insecure about having no father to walk her down the aisle, but they made due.

            When it was time, Nikolai cupped Alina’s cheek tenderly and pressed his lips to hers. There was applause, and he smiled into the kiss, savoring the moment. When he pulled back, he offered his arm to her, and she took it willingly, suppressing a grin. They went back down the aisle, enjoying the hooting and claps from their loved ones. Even Zoya was smiling.

            The couple went to the doors of the hall that led out to the front of the Palace, where the rest of the Ravka was waiting impatiently. He squeezed Alina’s arm as the doors slowly opened.

            “Are you ready?” he asked her.

            She nodded nervously. “For anything.”

            Nothing had prepared them for the roar of the crowd, the screams of their adoring people, arms stretched wide to feel a single touch from their Saint, their King. This was what it was all about. The faith, the hope, which their alliance gave people. It made them feel safe and protected, even if their Second Army was severely depleted. He needed something to keep his people hopeful for the future, to help them sleep at night. That was what was the most important.

            They threw rice, flower petals, and blew bubbles, to create an array of celebration. Alina laughed, touching as many hands as she could, kissed a few heads and said a few prayers over the elderly. He could see the look in the peoples’ eyes, teary-eyed and brighter than the sun. This was their savior, the Sun Summoner, Sol Koroleva. They put everything they had into her, every last bit of hope they had for their life and safety. He would do everything in his power and more to protect her, he vowed himself.

            They decided not to take a honeymoon, to stay in the Palace and make decisions with the Court. “We don’t need a vacation,” Alina had said.

            “ _You_ don’t need a vacation. You’re too important. _I,_ on the other hand, am exhausted from all of this. Do you know how much energy it takes to be stunningly dashing and perfectly poised every hour on the hour?”

            Alina hit him, but it was worth the playful smile that reminded him so much of the seventeen-year-old Grisha that he had first met and fallen for. 

            As the crowd continued to scream and chant their names in perfect unison, he took her hand in his and intertwined their fingers. She looked at him, her pale eyes brimming with tears of nothing short than extravagant jubilation. He loved that look. It fit her face so well.

            They kept their pace, somehow making it to the end of the white path, where a chariot awaited them to take the newlyweds to the reception. But right before Nikolai could wave one last time at the adoring crowd, Alina gently took hold of his jaw with the palm of his hand and kissed him. All of the chants melted away with the uncontrollable pounding of the King’s heart, and he kept his hand planted on her waist, feeling her quickening pulse as well.

            After a few blissful moments, he pulled away and studied her face. A grin split over his face and he laughed. “Was that just for show?”

            Alina rolled her eyes. “Just for show.”

            “Admit it, Starkov. You can’t get enough of me.”

            “Get in the chariot, you ass, before I regret every decision I’ve made up until this point.”

           

 


	3. Three Year Anniversary

             Time went on, weeks, months, years, and life at the Grand Palace became balanced. Natural. Nikolai ruled with a graceful yet firm hand, every decision perfectly calculated and weighted by himself and the Court, with Alina’s advisory taken into consideration. Alina assisted Genya, Zoya, and David in leading the Second Army, spending most of her time overseeing the training of all who resided within the Little Palace walls. Nikolai couldn’t help but love the way she worked with the younger children, the future soldiers of her army. She had a mother’s nurture, but a steady discipline and tolerated no nonsense during training hours.

            When the two of them were alone, it was just as it had always been. Quiet conversations among friends, in front of the fireplace, comfortable in their own home. They slept in separate bed chambers, a mutual decision. But at breakfast every morning, they would eat and laugh together, just like the old days.

            Except things _were_ different. They both knew it, and they both fought it. They dreaded the changes that were inevitable about their relationship, about their future. They were married now, bonded by vows of a lifetime, an infinite partnership. Was it possible to just be a political alliance forever?

            But they were young and a bit naïve, and so they held onto the moments they had left to be carefree like they used to be. That is until a very subject was brought up.

            It was late at night, and the couple sat in front of their fire as always, both warm and comfortable away from the bitter winter cold. Alina was studying Second Army military history, and Nikolai was sitting next to her, simply enjoying her company, absent-mindedly reading a stray novel. He had been trying to figure out how to bring this topic up naturally, but Alina had failed to give him a chance to segue into it. He had been putting it off for weeks, and the court was getting antsy for a verdict.

            “Alina,” he blurted before he could properly rehearse what he was going to say.

            “Hm?” Alina’s eyes still scanned her textbook’s writing.

            “I have a proposal for you.”

            She chuckled and turned the page. “You’ve already proposed. More times than necessary.”

            “A different kind, surprisingly. And don’t pretend like you didn’t enjoy my persistence. You gave in eventually.” He smirked, embracing their short-lived banter.

            She hummed softly and nodded, “I did, didn’t I?”

            Nikolai cleared his throat. “There is a matter I must discuss with you.” He could feel his throat tightening. _Calm down. You’re a king, for Saint’s sake. Keep it together._

“And what’s that?”

            “Well, the court was discussing it and brought the matter to me, I didn’t really have a say in it at all but – ”

            “Nikolai,” Alina said. She was looking at him now. “What is it?”

            “Yes, quite right. Well, it’s the matter of – ahem – producing….erm…an heir.” He hoped the light from the fireplace would hide the redness of his cheeks, but alas.

            Alina’s laugh was a mixture of a child’s giggle and astonishment. “Saints, is the too-clever fox actually flustered?”

            “Don’t be ridiculous. This honey glow is nothing less than natural.”

            “Uh-oh, did I ruffle the peacock’s fragile ego?” she cooed.

            “Alina,” he said helplessly, “This is serious.”

            “I don’t see why you’re acting so grave. I’m not going to die during childbirth, am I?”

            “I’m not planning on it. You don’t think this is of high importance?”

            Alina put her book down and turned towards him. “Of course it’s important. But you’re acting like the matter is dreadful. We’re both adults, Nikolai. We can talk about this like grown-ups, can’t we? We’re royalty, for Saint’s sake.”

            “Will you think about it?”

            Alina pondered for a moment, chewing on her cheek. “I don’t think it’s a bad idea. We’ve been married for almost three years.” She paused, and then looked at him sincerely. “Do you think we’re ready to have a child?”

            Nikolai shook his head. “I don’t think I personally have a say in the matter. You’re the one who holds the child. What you say goes.”

            “I may carry the child,” she said, placing her hand on his, “but we’re both going to be parents. Can I trust you to be a good father?”

            “As good as I am a husband.”

            “That isn’t reassuring.”

            “But you think it’s a good idea?”

            Alina took a deep breath, shivering slightly. “If the Court thinks it’s a good idea…then I do, too.”

            Nikolai nodded, waiting a moment before squeezing her hand and setting his jaw. “Are we truly doing this?”

            Alina smiled, her youth suddenly seeming far away, replaced by a wise glint in her eye; a look that is only come by when a young girl is forced to grow up too quickly. “Truly.”

            He didn’t know, once again, what compelled him to do it, but he tilted her chin up, leaned in, and kissed her cheek. It was warm and brief, just a fond press of lips, both tender and fleeting. Nikolai had never kissed Alina, even just on the cheek, when there was no one to witness it. This time, it was behind closed doors, a moment they would share with only themselves, and it felt just right at that time. Maybe he should make it into a habit.

            He pulled back and smiled, his Queen’s face still in his hands. “You are going to make a beautiful mother,” he told her.

            They go to their separate bed chambers to sleep that night, but Nikolai can hardly get Alina off his mind enough to slumber.

            ********************************************

            For the next few days, the matter of an heir is seldom discussed between the couple. The Court is informed of Alina’s decision and they are overjoyed, especially the Priest.

            But there was another issue that put Nikolai’s stomach in knots. Before one produces an heir, two must _make_ an heir. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t attracted to Alina, but this level of intimacy was one unexplored. Sure, he had tumbled a few pretty maidens in his time as Sturmhond, but it never meant anything. It never meant this much.

            He wished he was witty enough, confident enough, to talk to her about this. But he truly didn’t know how. Why was he so nervous? He never got scared unless life and death were in the balance, and even then he powered through. Did Alina want it to be strictly professional, or a night of passion and love? Could he provide either for her?

            Why couldn’t he just ask her? The answer to that question was simple: Because he could hardly look her in the eye without his pulse quickening. He felt like a little boy in kindergarten, pulling on a little girl’s braids to show her that he liked her. Foolish and smitten, not knowing how to process those young feelings. Except he was a man, a king, and the feelings went much deeper than an infatuation. Infatuation he could manage, but this? This was nearly impossible to live with.

            _This wasn’t supposed to happen,_ he scolded himself. _You’re partners, an alliance, not starry-eyed soul mates, no matter what the people of Ravka think. Quit thinking like this, you podge. You have a kingdom to rule. Not the time for emotions._

            So he tucked those feelings away for enough time to approach her. It was the day of their third wedding anniversary, and the entire palace was a buzz, preparing for the feast and banquet they were holding. Alina was in the throne room, being tugged left and right to approve the decorations and menu and costumes for the performers, looking tired and ragged. Nikolai, who came from the kitchen, approached her, absent-mindedly nodding to the flower arrangement choices.

            “Shouldn’t we have done this in advance?” Alina asked him, pulling his arm to ask for his opinion on the bouquets.

            “We did, but they order several different kinds of everything, just in case our wishy-washy preferences change within three weeks. I’d go with the white and gold arrangement, it mirrors the wedding ceremony.”

            The florist scampered away, and Alina took a deep breath, leaning on Nikolai slightly. “I’m exhausted. You’re going to have to keep me awake through the festivities, or I’ll lose consciousness.”

            He put his arm around her waist and hoisted her up a bit. “You should be resting. I’ll take care of the approving. The party doesn’t start for another six hours, why don’t you go sleep for a while, regain a bit of energy?”

            Alina closed her eyes and hummed into the fabric of his shoulder. “That sounds nice. Have Genya oversee the decorations and costumes?”

            “Do you not trust my judgment?”

            “Not at all. You know I hate white and gold.” And then she was gone.

            He smiled to himself, amused by the groggy queen, shuffling away with her eyes half closed. She really did exert herself to please as many people as she could. The pressure was taking a toll.

            The planning went accordingly, Nikolai feeling energized with every approved ribbon and petal, his excitement building. After an hour, Zoya and Genya shooed him out of all the rooms in preparation, telling him to leave and not come back until everything was set. So, he wandered the halls, ignoring the staff members that rushed to and fro with arms full of silk or boxes of cutlery.

            He came across Alina’s chambers and waited outside for a few minutes, trying to convince himself to go in. In the end, he won himself over and knocked on the door.

            “For the last time!” called a voice from inside. “There’s no more to be done, I look _fine.”_

            Nikolai cracked the door open and grinned. “I’ll be the judge of that.”

            Alina, sitting at her vanity, smiled and blew out a breath. She looked at him through her mirror. “I thought you were Genya. She won’t leave me alone. I swear, every time I think she’s done, she comes back with more alterations.”

            Nikolai walked in and closed the door behind him. “Did you get any sleep?”

            Alina nodded, but she still looked worn. Her pale complexion had been replaced with a soft rosy glow, and the dark circles under her eyes were gone. But it was more of the way her shoulders slumped and her posture sagged that gave her weariness away.

            He came up behind her and rubbed her shoulders, massaging her back. She closed her eyes and rolled her head from side to side, shifting her shoulders and neck at the warmth of Nikolai’s gloved hands.

            “Can you take them off? The leather is rougher than skin.”

            Nikolai hesitated, still not pleased at the sight of his own hands, the tiny scars still there, but faded. _Not faded enough,_ he thought to himself. But still, he stripped them off anyhow and began to knead the knots in her back with his thumbs. She released a small whine as he freed a portion of her tension.

            “You shouldn’t overwork yourself, Alina,” he said softly.

            She sighed. “I don’t know. I guess I’m having trouble keeping up with everything. I thought I would get used to it like you did.”

            He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he struggled, too, that he often felt overwhelmed with the pressure of an entire kingdom on his shoulders. Sure, he could manage, but that didn’t mean that he felt stress every hour on the hour. He had just hidden it better than others.

            “Having second thoughts on becoming queen?” he asked.

            “No, it’s not that.” She shrugged. “Like I said, I don’t know. Thank you, that’s enough for right now.”

            He went ahead and sat on her bed, running his hands over the sheets, studying the design. “I imagine being with child would make it only worse then?”

            Alina turned to look at him. “Maybe. Most likely.”

            He frowned thoughtfully. “Then we’ll postpone. I’ll inform the Court.”

            There was a long moment of silence. It dragged on until Alina shook her head. “No,” she said finally.

            Nikolai looked up from the sheets. “No?”

            She got up from the mirror and sat next to him. “No, I still want an heir.”

            “But it will only strain you further. Are you sure?”

            Alina cocked an eyebrow. “Do you honestly think any of these people will overwork a pregnant woman if she asked them not to? They only drain me because I let them. I imagine I can play the weak-pregnant-woman card enough to get myself a vacation, don’t you think?”

            Nikolai smiled. “You’re not wrong. Everyone would wait on you hand and foot if you told them to. Do you really have the conscience to let that happen?”

            “Probably not,” Alina admitted. “But it wouldn’t hurt to try.”

            There was another pause. Nikolai traced the embroidered bedspread with his finger. He made his way to the back of Alina’s hand, ghosting over her wrist. For just a moment, their hands lazily intertwined, Nikolai rubbing her hand with his thumb.

            “So tonight then?” she asked quietly. The big question. Was it this simple to ask?

            Nikolai brought her hand to his lips. “Tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be a bit steamy, so close your eyes, kids *wink*.
> 
> Comments are cherished and held close to my heart.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party begins...

            They stayed on the bed, fingers caught in each other’s, talking about their plans for the future. How everything would work, how everything would change once the child was born. At some point in time, Alina leaned her head on Nikolai’s shoulder as he spoke quietly to her, his voice deep and steady. For a while, he stopped talking, and they just sat, silent and restful. Alina’s breath became quieter and that’s when Nikolai realized she had fallen asleep.

            Careful not to wake her, he scooped her up and laid her properly back on the bed, with her head on the pillow. After he closed her bedroom door behind him, he walked silently through the palace, lost in his own head. He found himself in the garden, not sure why his legs took him here. The sun was finally setting, and he could tell the celebration was getting close to starting. He wondered how long he had been wandering around, and if Alina was up and getting ready with Genya again. He had yet to see her in her gown and couldn’t help but look forward to seeing her adorned in the dress of her choice.

            He made it back to the Grand Palace just in time to be greeted by Tolya and Tamar, who led him to the throne room, where the first set of performances would take place before the feast in the dining hall. The final preparations were taking place, the last touches that pulled the whole room together. To be quite frank, Nikolai couldn’t care less about the decorations at this point. All he wanted was to sit next to his wife and enjoy the night, celebrating the best thing that ever happened to him.

            He wasn’t sure how long he waited in his seat, his mind far away from the present. But when he did snap to his senses, he noticed the staff had stopped scurrying about and started holding platters of appetizers, standing against the wall in uniform. Genya swept through the room in her _kefta,_ nodding in satisfaction at the room and the décor. She plucked a small cube of steak off of a platter and chewed in ecstasy. “Everything to your enjoyment, your Majesty?” she called to him from across the room, a grin breaking across her face.

            Nikolai smiled and nodded. “Everything is perfect. Allow the guests to come in and notify Alina.”

            Genya grinned wider. “Oh, you’re in for a treat.” She turned and disappeared through one of the side doors, but not before plucking a cherry off one of the tarts that a servant was holding on a platter.

            Guest began to file in, greeting and conversing with each other and with Nikolai. He wished he was more focused. Being distracted was one of the only things that knocked the king off of his charismatic axis. He did his best to keep his small talk light and energetic, but when the double doors opened to signify the arrival of the Queen of Ravka, all hope of concentration was blown away and lost forevermore.

            Alina, given the choice to dress as she pleased for this important day, decided to go with a more simple approach to her design. She wore a simple royal blue dress; the length came past her shoes and was lightly lined with silver. The sleeves came off of the shoulder, draped with crystals. The waist came in tightly around her figure, but came out around her legs to give the idea of a ballroom gown and trailed behind her. Her hair was pulled back away from her face in an extravagant braid that could only be crafted by Genya, with silver pins threaded through the sections of hair. Every head in the room was turned towards her.

            She was, quite simply, _breathtaking._

            She smiled timidly, making her way to her throne. But Nikolai intercepted, linking their arms together.

            “How are you feeling?” he asked quietly, frowning.

            “Is that really what you’re focused on right now?” Alina said, half-annoyed and half-amused.

            “Well, I have to admit my mind has seemed to wander elsewhere,” Nikolai said in a deep voice, eyeing her dress and making her flush. “But you rested well I assume?”

            Alina nodded. “I did, thank you. Now smile, you look like there’s been a death in the family.”

            Nikolai gave an exaggerated grin and earned a guffaw from his wife. _His wife._ What a magnificent concept, is it?

            After the half hour of greetings of their guests and sneaking appetizers from platters, it was time to watch the performances. They sat in their thrones, which they had moved closer together when they were married. Nikolai wanted to keep up their appearance of being a king and queen in love, to keep the passion of their people strong. Alina and Nikolai sat side by side, hand in hand, holding tight to this day.

            The first performance was acrobatics, with a fantastic display of contortion that made Alina gasp quietly, thinking the performer was going to snap her back in half trying to fit into a tiny box. The next presentation was a comedic improvisational theatre group, wearing ludicrous costumes and masks, with themes of slapstick comedy and howls of laughter from the audience. There were dancers, singers, actors, all who wished to present their talents to the royal couple, and Nikolai could not have been more entertained. The guests seemed to be enjoying the presentations as well. The most important thing was Alina, clapping her hands excitedly at the end of each performance, and gripping his hand tighter when the juggler lit his multiple circling objects all on fire one by one and continued to juggle them.

             Once every performer had their turn, the audience burst into wondrous applause, a harmony of whooping and hollering. Nikolai made the announcement that they would all move onto the feast, which was in the dining hall the next room over. They filed out slowly, the entire small crowd aflutter. Nikolai grasped Alina’s hand as she rose, and they made their way to their seats.

            He could hardly keep track of the amount of food that was practically stacked on the long mahogany table. The guests sat in their chairs, serving themselves and filling their plates with smoke sausage, fried garlic potatoes, roasted herb chicken, glistening honey-glazed ham, boiled turnips in raspberry sauce, amongst a million other items to choose from. But as soon as he sat down next to his wife, he realized he didn’t have an appetite. His mood was lifted, but his stomach had somehow worked its way into a tangle of knots. He somehow forced down a few small quail wings, but could already feel them sloshing away in his gut.

            “You look like you swallowed a spoiled frog,” Alina murmured, leaning in a little too close at Nikolai’s side. He could smell her soft perfume, his senses snapping to attention and immediately floating away in the scent of her.

            “I think I might have,” he said with a quirked smile. “It’s nothing. Are you enjoying yourself?”

            Alina rolled her eyes. “Why are you so worried?”

            “I want to make sure you’re content with all the money I spent to make this day perfect for you. We’ll be years in debt but as long as my bride is happy. Every frown is one wad of _kruge_ thrown down the garbage chute.”

            Alina laughed airily. “We’re already married; you have to stop calling me your bride.”

            Nikolai’s smile fell from his face as he reached over to grasp her hand and bring it to his lips. “To me, you’ll always be my bride.”

              She flushed, biting her lip and casting her eyes down. But she didn’t pull her hand away until gifts began.

            His father, the former King of Ravka, from his exile in the southern colonies, had sent for him to receive a family heirloom; a suit fully adorned in awards and jewels, earned by his father and previous ancestors. It wasn’t for wearing as much as it was to marvel at. Alina was given a gorgeous golden gown from Genya and Zola and several sets of jewelry. She pretended to seem vexed, but everyone could tell she thought they were each beautiful and appreciated. Several other guests presented them with trinkets and decorative objects, and Nikolai couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

            When the feast ended, many of the guests and officials said their thanks and departed, going back to their city or town that thy have traveled from. The long table was cleared of the heaps of dishes and leftover food, and they made their way to the ballroom, where live music played a soft waltz.

            The remaining guests paired off; Genya and David, Nadia and Tamar, Tolya and Zola, and Nikolai led Alina to the middle of the dance floor. Their bodies swayed with the music, the footwork simple and effortless. Until the champagne and wine came out.

            As the glasses emptied and the partygoers filled with bubbles and giggles, the dancing suddenly became more amused, exaggerated motions and laughs out loud, Genya stumbling in David’s arms, Tamar and Nadia presenting an elaborate impression of river-dancing. Alina joined in on the fun, not the alcohol, and motioned for the band to play something more energetic. The fiddler picked up the pace and guests all cheered as more people came to the dance floor, tipsy and tittering.

            Nikolai had one glass of champagne but assumed that drinking perhaps shouldn’t be on the agenda tonight. He laughed and danced with Alina, swinging her around in a potentially offensive dosey-doe, causing Alina to tumble over her heels and land in a heap of giggles on the floor. If anyone saw her, cheeks flushed, hair falling out of her braid and framing her grin and sparkling eyes, skin glowing, her body vibrating with nearly uncontrollable laughter, they would’ve assumed she was far passed drunk. But Nikolai knew she hadn’t had a single sip of wine, she was simply just having fun. And for Nikolai, that was the greatest gift he had received so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I finally got this stupid chapter out. Things have been crazy busy, so sorry! I hope you enjoy :) Steam coming up next, I promise!!


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party ends...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STEAM STEAM STEAM
> 
> I ain't ever wrote one of these kinds of scenes before, and yes it's a bit stiff and awkward but I hoped it would reflect out Nikolai felt in the situation. One of the only times in his life where he didn't know what to do haha! I hope you enjoy, leave a comment if you did (or if you didn't, I can't control you)

            The dance floor was empty now, and the last of the drunken guests had been led to their rooms. Nikolai and Alina ran hand in hand back to his bedchambers, laughing and stumbling like rebellious schoolchildren. Skipping, incoherent, and gloriously sober. Perhaps they were drunk on elation, bubbling up inside of them like the fizz of champagne.

            As soon as the bedroom door closed behind them, they practically collapsed in a fit of giggles. Alina was doubled over, gasping for breath, and grinning like her face might split in two. Nikolai heaved a sigh and massaged his sore cheeks.

            “I don’t remember the last time I laughed this hard,” he said breathlessly, his chest still stuttering from humor.

            Alina brushed her wisps of hair out of her face. “I don’t remember the last time I had this much _fun.”_

            A few seconds passed as the couple released their last chuckles, and then a silence fell over the room. Nikolai dared to look at his wife, who dared to look back. Suddenly, the air changed, like someone could strike a single match and the whole room would go up in flames. Nikolai’s collar felt too tight and he cleared his throat.

            Alina glanced at the bed right behind her. “Tonight,” she said.

            “Tonight.”

            She took a step towards him and turned around. “Would you mind unzipping?” she asked.

            “Of course,” he practically choked. He took the zipper in his gloved hands and pulled it down. Slowly, he pushed the sleeves down her arms and off completely. The dress slid down, pooling around her hips, and revealing her bare back. Nikolai didn’t know what to do next.

            “Now my hair,” she murmured. He couldn’t tell if she was nervous or not.

            He pulled the ribbon out of her braid and ran his fingers through her white hair. The length reached the small of her back. With the task done, he put his hands gently on her waist and leaned forward. He slid her hair over one shoulder and breathed in her scent, feeling overwhelmingly dizzy. His lips pressed against the space between her neck and shoulder blade and sent a shiver down her spine.

            In an instant, the waist in his hands twisted around, and her mouth was on his. His vision went black, and it was then that he realized his eyes had been closed. Her lips were softer than silk, and her hands caressed his jaw and neck. The sensation felt almost too good to be true. Nikolai pulled her closer to him, cupping his cheek with his hand. Alina pulled back.

            “Nikolai,” she said, gasping softly. “Can you take them off?”

            He took notice of her bare torso and felt his stomach plummet into a panic. This was supposed to be something beautiful, or at least pleasant. Why must his horrible past and darkness taint this for him? He didn’t want to touch her pure pale skin with such sinful ugly hands. She deserved more.

            But then he saw her pleading eyes. When she whispered “please”, the gloves were already half way off. And when he tilted her chin and ran a thumb over her bottom lip, she didn’t flinch. Her gaze didn’t even stutter. So he leaned in and they were kissing again. This time, he felt stiffer and didn’t know where else to put his hands other than her waist. Alina’s hand slid to the back of his neck and deepened the kiss.

            Nikolai’s heart was nearly beating out of his chest. He could feel the knots in his stomach tightening around each other. He tried to focus on the softness of her skin or the quiet moan in the back of her throat.

            He didn’t realize how long they had been lip-locked until Alina pulled back once more.

            “You know,” she said, her lips rosier than they were before, “Eventually, we’re going to have to get to the whole “making an heir” part.”

            Nikolai let a laugh escape his throat. “I was getting to that.”

            Alina smiled, humming as her hands skimmed over the buttons of his shirt. She undid the first three and then he kissed her again, finishing off the buttons and tossing his shirt to the floor. Her hands found their way to his chest, sliding over the lean plates of his torso, and his skin broke into gooseflesh. The kisses became more feverish, and Nikolai could barely keep track of when his mouth was open and when it wasn’t. He could feel warmth pulsing off of his body, and every breath that escaped her mouth. At some point, her tongue flicked over his lips and he very nearly keeled over.

            He knew this would continue until dawn if they allowed it to if he didn’t do anything else. But he needed to be sure of one thing first.

            “Alina,” he said, pulling back only slightly and looking into her round eyes. “Are you sure? Do you want this?”

            She nodded once confidently. “Yes,” she whispered.

            So Nikolai put his hands on her shoulders, pushing her gently on the bed. He placed himself over her and allowed his mind to empty as he lost himself in the beauty that was his bride.  

**Author's Note:**

> I will go down with this ship even if it kills me. I truly hope I do Nikolai justice; he's SUCH a hard character to write, especially dialogue. 
> 
> Comments and questions are my lifelines so don't hesitate if you have a thought :) Thank you so much for reading, I love you all.
> 
> This is a multi-chapter fic <3


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